A Concise Guide to Customizing Your Wedding Ceremony

This guide has been created to help you make some initial decisions about formalizing your commitment through marriage. It will be especially useful to people who are considering having their marriage ceremony officiated by a minister of the Universal Life Church.

What does the Universal Life Church teach?

The Universal Life Church was conceived as a place where people of all faiths could come together to learn from each other. The doctrine of the Universal Life Church is simply “to do that which is right.” Every member of the church decides for themselves what is right and does not condemn others if their “right” is different. You do not need to renounce any other religious affiliation to participate in a wedding performed by a Universal Life Church minister. After participating in a wedding performed by a minister of the Universal Life Church, no further contact with the church is required. Because of the church’s inherent freedom, a minister of Universal Life may be the ideal officiant for you if you want to customize your wedding or design your own ceremony from scratch. The Universal Life Church directs its ministers to give you complete liberty in designing your wedding ceremony.

Legal and social aspects of getting married

To be a legal marriage, you need at least a marriage license, two witnesses to sign the license, and an officiate. Some states require more. Contact your County Clerk as soon as you know you want to get married. The earlier you find out what the law requires, the better.

Compared to the legal aspects, which are fairly straightforward and uniform, the social aspects of marriage are infinitely ambiguous and different for every couple. You and your partner need to come to a consensus. What does your wedding symbolize to the two of you and how would you like that expressed? What do you want to say to your loved ones through the wedding ceremony? Determine what is expected of you by your family, friends, and others in your community. Once you have established this, you have to ask yourself, “To what extent do I plan to meet these expectations?”

Putting your desires into words

You and your partner should sit down with a notepad to brainstorm every aspect of the wedding. This will be a wonderful opportunity to learn what your love and commitment means to each of you and how you want to symbolize it. The notes you take on that day will be a warm and amusing keepsake to have with your other wedding memories. Here are some rules of thumb:

• Word your ceremony in a positive way. “I will love as long as I live,” sounds better than “I will love you until I die.”
• During the wedding you may speak as candidly about the depth of your love as you wish. No one will scoff at the sentimentality of your ceremony. Your guests will find your unique expression of true love uplifting and memorable.
• Silly vows like, “I promise I will take my shoes off before coming into the house,” even if meant to be self deprecating, trivialize the wedding. This is a very serious undertaking which your guests respect and appreciate.
• Phrases like “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” or promises to “Love, honor, and obey,” are outdated and inappropriate in modern ceremonies. The Universal Life Church recognizes perfect equality between men and women. Please understand that no minister of the Universal Life Church would suggest using these phrases or feel comfortable being asked to use them.

Elements of the wedding ceremony

Below is a list of elements found in most wedding ceremonies. You and your partner should discuss each one individually and decide whether it will be a part of your wedding and in what form.

• Processional. Traditionally, the groom and groomsmen enter first, followed by the bride and her party. Occasionally, the groom and bride enter together or from opposite sides of the room. The tradition of the father giving the bride away is losing popularity in favor of the bride being escorted by both parents. Sometimes, the groom is escorted by his parents as well.
• Convocation. The officiant welcomes the guests, and formally announces the purpose of the gathering.
• Invocation. If your wedding ceremony has a religious aspect, the invocation is an opening prayer in which the officiant makes an appeal for divine power to bless the couple.
• Address. The officiant has an opportunity to say a few words about the meaning of marriage. You should discuss your desires and attitudes toward marriage with your officiate. Don’t hesitate to tell your minister what you do or do not want in the address. The Universal Life Church’s lack of dogma reduces the possibility that your minister will say something you find inappropriate.
• Vows. The once sneered-at practice of writing your own vows is now totally acceptable, even expected. Numerous good books of wedding vows exist, several are listed at the end of this guide. Check a bookstore or your local public library.
• Exchange of Rings. A lot of importance is given to the exchange of rings because the ring is the only omnipresent physical evidence of the marriage. If you decide to use rings, you’ll remember this moment in your wedding ceremony every time you become conscious of the ring on your finger.
• Pronouncement of Marriage. Like the convocation, this is a formal announcement. The officiant states that the couple is married. Sometimes, the marriage certificate is signed at this point, more often it is done directly after the ceremony.
• Kiss. Some couples object to saying “You may kiss the bride,” In this case, the couple can kiss without being told to. Why does anyone need to tell a married couple they have permission to kiss, anyway?
• Benediction. With these exuberant, brief, and joyful words the now-married couple are sent on their way.
• Recessional. Traditionally, the bride and groom exit together with the brideswomen and groomsmen pair up and follow. This is usually much quicker and simpler than the processional.

Other elements

Inspirational music and readings are usually interspersed between the elements. It is wonderful and appropriate to have friends or relatives with musical talent or oratorial skill provide the music and reading. It is usually looked upon as a great honor, but when making the request, clearly offer your loved ones the privilege of declining without guilt.

What else?

You should feel comfortable getting married any way you want. Your wedding is unique, special, and important. You can get married in a church, a hot air balloon or deep in the forest. You can wear multimillion-dollar costumes or you can be totally naked. If you are in love – the world is yours and that’s the way it should be.

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