Conservations Before a Marriage: How Do We Handle Money?

While many people believe that it is important to understand how money works, very few ever receive any instruction in its use other than, “Don’t spend it.” Many people are as unfamiliar with the dynamics of money and finance as they are about the dynamics of conflict. Many of us who carry the macho gene in our chromosomes are not about to admit that we don’t understand the dynamics of handling money, and we’re willing to continue to carry this charade into the sunsets of our lives. In regard to those sunsets, the following statistics from the U.S. Department of Commerce:

Money and Marriage: A Complete Guide for Engaged and Newly Married Couples

Newlyweds quickly discover that money is a big deal in their new marriage. Getting on the same financial page is essential because research shows that the more frequently a couple fights about finances, the more likely they are to divorce. Financial expert Matt Bell shows you how to make the most of each other’s financial strengths, teaching you how to work together to build a solid financial future. Through a 10-step action plan, you’ll learn how to prioritize goals, get out of debt, build savings, and much more – all in a way that minimizes stress on your relationship and maximizes unity and balance.

For every 100 people who start their careers at age 25, the statistics by age 65 are the following:

• 29 people are dead
• 19 people have incomes under $7,500 per year
• 44 people have incomes between $7,500 and $30,000 per year. The median income is $14,500 ($1208.00 per month)
• 8 people have incomes over $30,000 per year ($2,500 per month)

These statistics look about as bleak as the divorce rate. Since money problems are often quoted as the major contributor to divorce, couples can benefit by attending financial planning workshops together and discussing how they will handle money matters.

The following questions will help you understand the ways in which your positive and negative senses of self are tied to your feelings about money.

1. Handling money
   • How comfortable are you with financial matters?
   • What is (and, what is not) important about having, or not having, money?
   • What will you do if one or both of you becomes unemployed? Can you survive financially?
   • What would you really do if you lost all of your assets? How would your relationship be affected?
2. Theories of Debts and Expenses
   • Is credit a valuable tool, or is it more important to be debt free? Is good credit a priority?
   • Is debt worth having if it means you can have what you want when you want it?
   • Is it acceptable to borrow money from friends and relatives?
   • What debts do you each have at this time? How are they being handled?
3. How will your income and savings be handled?
   • How important is a savings account?
   • What will you do with excess income?
   • How will you prepare for retirement?
   • How will you handle taxes?
   • How will you handle banking? Joint or separate accounts?
   • How will you pay the bills and keep the family accounts?
   • How will you handle credit cards? Joint or separate accounts?
4. How is your sense of self affected by money?
   • Are you a good person if you are poor? Are you a good person if you are wealthy?
   • Do you resent people who have, or earn, much more money than you do?
   • What do you expect from people with wealth? How do you expect to be treated?
   • What do you expect from people who are poor?
   • Do you feel guilty or uncomfortable around people who do not have, or earn, as much money as you do?
   • Does your respect for other people vary, taking into account their status as wealthy or poor? If your spouse has very poor friends or family, or very rich friends or family, will you be comfortable around those people?

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First Comes Love, Then Comes Money: A Couple’s Guide to Financial Communication

The number one cause for divorce is financial infidelity. Now “The Money Couple” reveals the missing ingredient needed before any financial program or plan can work: healthy financial communication. This book tells you how to:

• Diagnose your level of financial infidelity
• Identify your individual Money Personality
• Master the Money Huddle and the Money Dump
• Achieve financial goals once and for all

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