Money and Marriage: A Complete Guide for Engaged and Newly Married Couples

Newlyweds quickly discover that money is a big deal in their new marriage. Getting on the same financial page is essential because research shows that the more frequently a couple fights about finances, the more likely they are to divorce. Financial expert Matt Bell shows you how to make the most of each other’s financial strengths, teaching you how to work together to build a solid financial future. Through a 10-step action plan, you’ll learn how to prioritize goals, get out of debt, build savings, and much more – all in a way that minimizes stress on your relationship and maximizes unity and balance.

For every 100 people who start their careers at age 25, the statistics by age 65 are the following:

• 29 people are dead
• 19 people have incomes under $7,500 per year
• 44 people have incomes between $7,500 and $30,000 per year. The median income is $14,500 ($1208.00 per month)
• 8 people have incomes over $30,000 per year ($2,500 per month)

These statistics look about as bleak as the divorce rate. Since money problems are often quoted as the major contributor to divorce, couples can benefit by attending financial planning workshops together and discussing how they will handle money matters.

The following questions will help you understand the ways in which your positive and negative senses of self are tied to your feelings about money.

1. Handling money
   • How comfortable are you with financial matters?
   • What is (and, what is not) important about having, or not having, money?
   • What will you do if one or both of you becomes unemployed? Can you survive financially?
   • What would you really do if you lost all of your assets? How would your relationship be affected?
2. Theories of Debts and Expenses
   • Is credit a valuable tool, or is it more important to be debt free? Is good credit a priority?
   • Is debt worth having if it means you can have what you want when you want it?
   • Is it acceptable to borrow money from friends and relatives?
   • What debts do you each have at this time? How are they being handled?
3. How will your income and savings be handled?
   • How important is a savings account?
   • What will you do with excess income?
   • How will you prepare for retirement?
   • How will you handle taxes?
   • How will you handle banking? Joint or separate accounts?
   • How will you pay the bills and keep the family accounts?
   • How will you handle credit cards? Joint or separate accounts?
4. How is your sense of self affected by money?
   • Are you a good person if you are poor? Are you a good person if you are wealthy?
   • Do you resent people who have, or earn, much more money than you do?
   • What do you expect from people with wealth? How do you expect to be treated?
   • What do you expect from people who are poor?
   • Do you feel guilty or uncomfortable around people who do not have, or earn, as much money as you do?
   • Does your respect for other people vary, taking into account their status as wealthy or poor? If your spouse has very poor friends or family, or very rich friends or family, will you be comfortable around those people?

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First Comes Love, Then Comes Money: A Couple’s Guide to Financial Communication

The number one cause for divorce is financial infidelity. Now “The Money Couple” reveals the missing ingredient needed before any financial program or plan can work: healthy financial communication. This book tells you how to:

• Diagnose your level of financial infidelity
• Identify your individual Money Personality
• Master the Money Huddle and the Money Dump
• Achieve financial goals once and for all

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Take time with your fiancé to review your guest list. By doing so, you will get a better idea of who will be attending, where they are located and what type of guest services they require. If you have a large number of out-of-town guests, locate various hotels and inns in the general vicinity of your wedding and reception early on. Additionally, think about the modes of transportation that will be available to your guests while they are visiting. Many car rental companies can create customized vehicle packages for you and all your guests.

Next, think of creative ways to inform everyone of all of the wonderful happenings! Come up with a few preliminary ideas that will really get your point across. Perhaps a colorful, striking newsletter would be just the ticket to keep everyone in the loop. Look for fresh, inventive paper selections to set the perfect tone for your wonderful news. Keep the tone light and fun – and make sure to inform your guests that the communiqué is not a wedding invitation. Here are some ideas to include in your “nuptial newsletter” to give it some punch!

How We Met. Include a brief story about how you and your beloved met and made the all-important “love connection.”

Fun Facts. Reveal tiny tidbits about the two of you: your hobbies, mutual interests and stuff you don’t like (such as okra or waiting in line).

Wedding Central. Reserve a portion of the newsletter for pertinent information on locations, times and types of events that will be held during your celebration. With each issue you can add additional facts that will keep everyone on the same page, such as hotel accommodations, childcare arrangements, transportation and carpooling details, preferred attire and much more.

Get Wired. With the explosion of personal computers and the Internet into daily life, it’s easier than ever to keep friends and family “plugged in” to your wedding planning process. Consider creating your very own Wedding Website, a great way to give loved ones “e-access” to all of the festivities. Take the information contained in your newsletter and transpose it into a fun, easy to read format that will be welcomed by all of your Internet-savvy guests. Set up an email account for easy correspondence with your guests, and post helpful maps and directions so everyone will know where they are going and how to get there!

It’s a good idea to create and send at least three editions of print or online information pages to your attendees during the course of your planning process. As your guest list becomes more definite, you’ll be able to forward information to those who will need it, and delete out people who aren’t able to share in your special day. You can also create a post-wedding letter or website to reach those who weren’t able to be with you to celebrate your wedding. Add a few wonderful pictures from the ceremony and reception, a brief story about the celebration, list who came from near and far to be with you, and close with a heartfelt sentiment that lets the recipient know that even though they were not there on that day, you wanted to share a bit of your happiness with them!

While planning a wedding can be hectic at best, keeping everyone informed and on top of things is a sure fire way to maintain a sense of order and calm to what will no doubt be one of the most enjoyably frenetic periods in your life.

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Great all season weather: The best thing about Hawaii – other than the lush natural beauty of course – is that the islands have great weather all year round. You can plan the wedding anytime of the year without fretting about the weather. All you need to be concerned about when setting the date is to ensure that everyone can take the time off for a holiday.

Incorporate the local culture: Any wedding in Hawaii would be absolutely incomplete without adding to it flavors from the local Polynesian culture. A traditional Hawaiian wedding begins by blowing a conch as an invitation to ancient Gods. This is a great way to start your wedding ceremony as well. The bridal couple can exchange leis in typical Hawaiian fashion and a lavish luau can be set out for all the guests to enjoy. Even the bridal dress can have a Hawaiian flavor. Brides can choose to wear the holoku and grooms a white shirt and pants with a tropical print sash.

Hawaiian wedding gifts and favors: The best thing about having your wedding in Hawaii are the souvenirs that can be given as favors or wedding gifts. In fact, buying the bride some traditional Hawaiian jewelry is a brilliant idea. In return the bride can look at giving away Hawaiian favors like leis, flip flop candles or seashell photo frames with photos from an unforgettable holiday.

Legal Requirements: When planning any destination wedding it is best to take care of legal matters up front. You must have a Hawaiian wedding license in addition to the license from your own country. This is not a difficult task though because in Hawaii they can be obtained on the day of the wedding itself. Also, there are no blood tests or citizenship requirements so it is quite an easy process overall.

Wedding Package Deals: Previously the thought of a Hawaiian wedding meant a huge wedding budget. However, most resorts and hotels now offer wedding packages where all the details are taken care of by the resident wedding planner. The packages vary and can include everything from airfares and accommodation to the bridal bouquet and even personalized wedding favors! This is a good way to get discounted rates at the hotels for your guests as well.

The one thing that is guaranteed with weddings in Hawaii is that the bridal couple can walk away into the sunset and live happily ever after!

There’s no doubt, these days, that planning a wedding has the potential to become a second full-time job. Someone has to think of everything, from how much money will be spent to who can sit next to whom without arguing. Then there’s the whole food-and-entertainment potpourri to orchestrate, not to mention invitations, flowers, photographs, etc.

Yes, someone has to think about all of these things. But that someone doesn’t always have be you, the overtaxed bride-to-be. We know, part of you wants to control everything – and achieve perfection. But, ironically, the more you try to control everything, the more out-of-control you will feel.

You need to let go of some things. But which? The answer is different for everyone.

To find your personal solution, follow this simple three-point stress-busting strategy. It’s called P.D.C. – Prioritize, Delegate, Communicate.

Step 1: Prioritize

Sit yourself down and consider which elements of your wedding hold the greatest significance for you. Assign a number, on a scale of 1 to 10, to each feature of your wedding.

Perhaps you are very concerned about the music (avowed to avoid your Cousin Vinnie’s accordion ditties or any rendition of “Feelings” at all costs). Perhaps you are very concerned with the menu (your sophisticated palette quakes at the thought of those pigs-in-blankets your Cousin Doreen served at her reception). So be it, music and menu get a 9 and 10 and are, therefore, your domain.

But perhaps you are not so concerned with whether the floral arrangements contain gardenias or carnations, or whether the ushers wear black or festoon themselves in peacock-like finery. If these concerns are not paramount, designate these – along with anything else that rates an 8 or below – to be assigned to capable helpers.

Step 2: Delegate

There are a number of ways to match each wedding-related task to a caring, competent supervisor. For example, you can put the person who is most finicky about a certain feature of your wedding in charge of getting it precisely right. There’s a certain poetic justice to this, and it keeps such a person too busy to complain about anything else.

Also, take your helpers’ special areas of expertise into account. For example, if your Mom is intimately acquainted with all of your extended family’s social nuances – such as who has not been on speaking terms for 20 years – for goodness sakes, let her do the seating chart for your clan. On the other hand, avoid obvious mismatches of helper and task. If you are quite sure that someone’s taste diverges from yours, find this willing helper something you’ve deemed a 1 or 2 on the priority scale.

Step 3: Communicate

Just because a task has been assigned doesn’t mean your helper has carte blanche. Be sure to communicate – calmly and clearly – such things as your budget limitations and how each helper’s task should contribute to the overall flavor of the affair.

You can insist on the right of final approval, of course. Once you’ve assigned a task, however, you owe it your helper to give careful consideration to their recommendations. And always thank them graciously, even if you ultimately decide to override them.

What does the Universal Life Church teach?

The Universal Life Church was conceived as a place where people of all faiths could come together to learn from each other. The doctrine of the Universal Life Church is simply “to do that which is right.” Every member of the church decides for themselves what is right and does not condemn others if their “right” is different. You do not need to renounce any other religious affiliation to participate in a wedding performed by a Universal Life Church minister. After participating in a wedding performed by a minister of the Universal Life Church, no further contact with the church is required. Because of the church’s inherent freedom, a minister of Universal Life may be the ideal officiant for you if you want to customize your wedding or design your own ceremony from scratch. The Universal Life Church directs its ministers to give you complete liberty in designing your wedding ceremony.

Legal and social aspects of getting married

To be a legal marriage, you need at least a marriage license, two witnesses to sign the license, and an officiate. Some states require more. Contact your County Clerk as soon as you know you want to get married. The earlier you find out what the law requires, the better.

Compared to the legal aspects, which are fairly straightforward and uniform, the social aspects of marriage are infinitely ambiguous and different for every couple. You and your partner need to come to a consensus. What does your wedding symbolize to the two of you and how would you like that expressed? What do you want to say to your loved ones through the wedding ceremony? Determine what is expected of you by your family, friends, and others in your community. Once you have established this, you have to ask yourself, “To what extent do I plan to meet these expectations?”

Putting your desires into words

You and your partner should sit down with a notepad to brainstorm every aspect of the wedding. This will be a wonderful opportunity to learn what your love and commitment means to each of you and how you want to symbolize it. The notes you take on that day will be a warm and amusing keepsake to have with your other wedding memories. Here are some rules of thumb:

• Word your ceremony in a positive way. “I will love as long as I live,” sounds better than “I will love you until I die.”
• During the wedding you may speak as candidly about the depth of your love as you wish. No one will scoff at the sentimentality of your ceremony. Your guests will find your unique expression of true love uplifting and memorable.
• Silly vows like, “I promise I will take my shoes off before coming into the house,” even if meant to be self deprecating, trivialize the wedding. This is a very serious undertaking which your guests respect and appreciate.
• Phrases like “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” or promises to “Love, honor, and obey,” are outdated and inappropriate in modern ceremonies. The Universal Life Church recognizes perfect equality between men and women. Please understand that no minister of the Universal Life Church would suggest using these phrases or feel comfortable being asked to use them.

Elements of the wedding ceremony

Below is a list of elements found in most wedding ceremonies. You and your partner should discuss each one individually and decide whether it will be a part of your wedding and in what form.

• Processional. Traditionally, the groom and groomsmen enter first, followed by the bride and her party. Occasionally, the groom and bride enter together or from opposite sides of the room. The tradition of the father giving the bride away is losing popularity in favor of the bride being escorted by both parents. Sometimes, the groom is escorted by his parents as well.
• Convocation. The officiant welcomes the guests, and formally announces the purpose of the gathering.
• Invocation. If your wedding ceremony has a religious aspect, the invocation is an opening prayer in which the officiant makes an appeal for divine power to bless the couple.
• Address. The officiant has an opportunity to say a few words about the meaning of marriage. You should discuss your desires and attitudes toward marriage with your officiate. Don’t hesitate to tell your minister what you do or do not want in the address. The Universal Life Church’s lack of dogma reduces the possibility that your minister will say something you find inappropriate.
• Vows. The once sneered-at practice of writing your own vows is now totally acceptable, even expected. Numerous good books of wedding vows exist, several are listed at the end of this guide. Check a bookstore or your local public library.
• Exchange of Rings. A lot of importance is given to the exchange of rings because the ring is the only omnipresent physical evidence of the marriage. If you decide to use rings, you’ll remember this moment in your wedding ceremony every time you become conscious of the ring on your finger.
• Pronouncement of Marriage. Like the convocation, this is a formal announcement. The officiant states that the couple is married. Sometimes, the marriage certificate is signed at this point, more often it is done directly after the ceremony.
• Kiss. Some couples object to saying “You may kiss the bride,” In this case, the couple can kiss without being told to. Why does anyone need to tell a married couple they have permission to kiss, anyway?
• Benediction. With these exuberant, brief, and joyful words the now-married couple are sent on their way.
• Recessional. Traditionally, the bride and groom exit together with the brideswomen and groomsmen pair up and follow. This is usually much quicker and simpler than the processional.

Other elements

Inspirational music and readings are usually interspersed between the elements. It is wonderful and appropriate to have friends or relatives with musical talent or oratorial skill provide the music and reading. It is usually looked upon as a great honor, but when making the request, clearly offer your loved ones the privilege of declining without guilt.

What else?

You should feel comfortable getting married any way you want. Your wedding is unique, special, and important. You can get married in a church, a hot air balloon or deep in the forest. You can wear multimillion-dollar costumes or you can be totally naked. If you are in love – the world is yours and that’s the way it should be.

Do you decide on tiers or just a flat cake? How many people has it to cater for? Do you want fresh flowers or spun sugar flowers? Will the time of year effect your choices? The questions are almost endless. Fortunately with so many wedding cakes available everyone can get a wedding cake to suit their requirements.

Three tiers are traditional and so is royal icing. Most bakers will require that your order be placed a couple of months in advance and it would be advisable to give a little extra time so that it can be perfected.

The top of your cake can also be as unique as you are! Snowmen in winter, fresh flowers in spring or a couple on a Harley… its up to you.

Once you are ready to order your cake try out a few bakers by tasting what they can do. Look at pictures of what they have already done, ask if they can fulfill your requests if you are looking for a custom cake, find out when they will bake and ice your cake and once you have decided, get it all in writing. If it goes wrong on the day then at least you will have what they said they would do in black and white!

Did You Know?

The wedding cake comes from an ancient custom in which the bride ate a piece of simple cake. It was traditionally made from flour and water and it expressed the hope that they would never lack the basic necessities of life.

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As a tradition, wedding toasts are intended to be a manner in which the couple is honored. They are meant to be positive, dignified and sincere. They can be humorous, but should never embarrass the couple or any of the guests. Wedding guests generally cover a wide range of ages, and wedding toasts should be appropriate for all ages.

Having met the criteria, you can use wedding toasts in a number of ways. You can use them as an ending to a wedding speech. This adds personality, and gives you something to draw inspiration from. If you have a great toast, it’s a wonderful starting point for any speech. These can also be used on their own merits. This is ideal for a quick toast. Many of them can also be combined, and this too can be used in a speech. Below is an example that combines two of the toasts listed.

May all your troubles be less.
And all your blessings be more. .
And nothing but happiness.
Come through your door.

Merry meet, and merry part, .
I drink to thee with all my heart.

May your home always be too small
to hold all of your friends

May you both live as long as you want
And never want as long as you live

May your troubles be less
And your blessings be more
And nothing but happiness
Come through your door

May your love always last
and your happiness always be assured

Merry meet and merry part
I drink to thee with all my heart

May the happiest day of your past
be the saddest day of your future

May you love each other more than yesterday
but less than tomorrow

May the love you share forever remain as beautiful
as the bride looks today

May your wishes always come true
and may you always get more than you wish for

May your hands be forever joined in friendship
and your hearts forever joined in love

May you live as long as you want to
and want to as long as you live

May your Love be modern enough to survive the times
and old fashioned enough to last forever.

May you live long, laugh often, and love much

May the love you feel today
be present always, forever and a day.

It is said when a child finds true love
the parents find true joy.

May the most you ever wish for
be the least you receive.

They say you get married for better or worse.
May your Lives together be far better than worse.

Here’s to love and laughter
and happily ever after.

May your marriage be like a fine wine
and get better with age.

Here’s to lying, cheating, and stealing and drinking
May you lie only to your enemies
Cheat only death
Steal only each other’s hearts
and drink deeply of each other’s love.

May you be poor in misfortune
Rich in blessings
Slow to make enemies
And quick to make friends
But rich or poor, quick or slow
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward

May all your joys be great joys
And all your pain be champagne

Prepare A Budget

Anyone can plan a location wedding with unlimited funds. The question is, can you do it on a budget? My lifelong dream of getting married in a Tuscan villa (flying all my guests to and from via private jet, of course) was dashed when I fell in love with a man whose surname wasn’t Rockefeller. Before you do anything, sit down and decide how much you are willing to spend on your wedding. In my experience, preparing the budget was just the reality check I needed.

Prepare Your Guest List

If you are planning a wedding in your hometown (and if your mother has anything to do with it), your guest list may be colossal. If this is what you want, great. If not, sit down with your parents and discuss your vision of a more intimate affair. If you are paying for the event, this shouldn’t be too much of an issue. If they are paying, you will probably have to compromise. For many families, this means parents’ friends are OK, but no business associates.

On the other hand, if yours will be a “destination wedding,” one in which all your guests must travel to the location, accept the fact that your wedding may not be large. After all, not everyone can afford the expenditures of hotel and airfare. However, don’t count on guests not showing because of the distant location. I know someone whose entire guest list of 150 showed up in Venice, Italy for her wedding.

Give Your Guests A Heads Up

If most of your guests will be traveling to the wedding, sending out save-the-date cards three months in advance will allow them ample time to make air and hotel reservations. You might also consider reserving a block of rooms at a hotel (you can usually get discounts), or enclosing a list of local hotels. If the wedding is in another country, consider reserving a block of seats with an airline. Many carriers offer discounts to passengers with groups over ten.

Have A Surrogate Planner On Location
Unless you plan to hop on a plane weekly, you should have someone physically at the location of your wedding to help with the red tape. This person can be a professional wedding coordinator, your mother, or your best friend. Whoever (s)he is, (s)he must be reliable; someone you trust to follow through with all the minutiae that is wedding planning. You should trust this person’s taste, as well. If your well-meaning Cousin Annie loves velvet dog paintings and owns an all-orange wardrobe, think twice before placing this most important celebration in her hands. If you are getting married in a destination you have never visited, consider asking the concierge of your hotel to help coordinate the details. And remember, many resorts have on-site wedding planners to help with all the details, so be sure to take advantage of all available services.

Determine which decisions are best left to your coordinator, and which you prefer to make yourself. However you split up the tasks, it is imperative you make your requests as specific as possible. Remember, no one, not even your mother, can read your mind. You will probably visit your location before the event, so make the best of your time “on location.” You might want to have your coordinator screen several possible vendors, so you can make a quick, final decision.

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Some take it a step further; while avid skydiving couples have held weddings in mid-air, scuba enthusiasts have had ceremonies underwater. A growing number of young couples have taken another path. Rather than trying to modernize the wedding ritual, they have chosen to transport the wedding ceremony back to its roots and celebrate their marriage in the same manner as their ancestors. They find that a wedding performed in the Renaissance or Medieval style provides a sense of grandeur, romanticism and pageantry they find missing in the modern world.

Weddings of the Renaissance and Medieval period were not all that much different in content from weddings today. Many things remain the same: the bride, the groom, and their attendants wear special costumes; family and guests are invited and dress for the occasion; an official joins the couple, and there is a reception afterwards where food, drink and entertainment are provided. The challenge in having a modern Renaissance wedding comes in creating a 14th century atmosphere in the 21st century. It should be noted that, for the purposes of this article, we are using the term “Renaissance” to mean any period of European history before the 18th century. In actuality, the basic steps are the same no matter what period you chose. You are only limited by your imagination.

Putting together a Renaissance wedding by yourself is a daunting challenge and outside the scope of this article. Luckily, it is not necessary to do everything yourself; there are people who can help you.

There are many historical reenactment groups that you can join if you are not already involved in one. Many of their members have already staged Renaissance weddings and are willing to help others to plan theirs. Whether you join the SCA or a Faire “Guild” or other group you will find that your new friends have already done most of the necessary research for you. They can assist you with your costuming, decoration, catering and will probably even volunteer to entertain.

The choice of the actual wedding vows is up to you. You can combine the modern with the ancient. For example, a private civil ceremony might be held, followed by a “handfasting” performed by a “Druid priest”. Or a Catholic Mass could be performed in Latin with the actual vows in English. Many couples use the Anglican wedding vows, since they have changed very little over the last four hundred years. Your group should be able to assist you in locating a minister or JP who can perform the ceremony with flair.

The site also should be considered. Renaissance weddings lend themselves to the outdoors; a garden park, or even in the midst of the Faire itself. Traditional churches and cathedrals add majesty to the ceremony but modern halls can serve, too, if properly decorated with banners, heavy wooden chairs and candlelight.

Once the ceremony itself is chosen, clothing and food are the next priorities. Costuming is one of the most important aspects of the event because proper period clothing helps create the atmosphere of the times. The costume can be as elaborate or as modest as you like. A simple outfit can be rented from the local party supply store, though the quality of these garments can vary considerably. There are several mail order companies that can provide good quality Renaissance or Medieval clothing at reasonable prices. If you decide on something more elaborate, your group should be able to point you towards a dressmaker that specializes in period costuming.

There are few caterers who specialize in preparation of ancient foods, but most caterers are willing to provide you with whole chickens and game hens, joints of beef, crusty breads, meat pies, soups, side dishes of fruit, cheese, noodles, rice, and herbed vegetables. Once the meal is prepared, the guild takes over. Serving wenches and young squires bring out the victuals and present them to the Lords and Ladies in just the right way. Each course is announced by a herald and carried aloft in grand style to the head table where the Bride and Groom are served first, then the honored high-ranking guests (family), and finally the rest of the revelers.

The last course is the wedding cake. The tradition of a decorated cake in the shape of an animal, a castle, a basket or other fanciful object dates back to the Middle Ages and was called a subtlety. Often coins or silver charms were baked into the cake as prizes for the guests.

Your reception can be as simple or as elaborate as you like. A few close friends can be encouraged to come in costume or all the “Ren folk” in your area can be invited. They love any excuse to put on their costumes and celebrate. Your Renaissance wedding will give them just the excuse they are looking for. You will find that the group is made up of people from a variety of backgrounds. You are sure to find musicians among them to provide background music. If not, there are many wonderful recordings of Medieval music available through specialty music stores and by mail order. Ask your friends if they know of any minstrels, jugglers, or acrobats who would be willing to entertain at your wedding.

When the big day approaches, you will find that you have only to make an open invitation to your reenactment group and they will take care of all the rest. You may spend more on food but you will save on entertainment costs. Maybe you’ll find that you enjoy reenacting so much that it will become your family hobby for years to come.

If you decide to have a Renaissance wedding but do not belong to a reenactment group, there is an alternative. Some Renaissance Guilds can be hired to take care of all the atmosphere. For $150 an hour, one such group, the Guild of St. David based in Northern California, will provide up to 40 people in full costume. Their program features the handfasting ceremony and entertainment at the reception. They take great pains to draw the regular folk into the spirit of the occasion by interacting with the guests, singing songs and teaching traditional dances to all willing to join in. The Guild also assists the couple in putting it all together, from costumes to decorating the hall, arranging flowers and catering if desired.

A Renaissance wedding is a wonderful way to marry or renew your vows. Whether you do it yourself, join a group, or hire a guild, you will find that a Renaissance wedding will provide the festivity and romance that will make the memory of this special day one that you will treasure happily ever after.

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One of the most exhilarating times in a relationship is the moment “the question” is popped. Whether the man gets down on one knee and asks for his lady love’s hand or she casually drops the hint over bagels and lattes, that moment is forever etched in a couple’s mind. For prospective brides and grooms-to-be who have different racial and cultural backgrounds, sharing the good news with family and friends can be a difficult task.

If the families have had the opportunity to meet each other during the couple’s courtship, this can make things a lot easier. Since everyone will have had a chance to interact, it can smooth the way for a transition to married life. But if all parties involved haven’t had the chance to become acquainted, then problems can arise. Being of different cultural backgrounds and not necessarily understanding all that is involved with a particular group doesn’t have to be an issue, unless it is done so on purpose. For couples who are about to embark on the road to matrimony, having the blessings and good wishes of their families is important as their journey ensues.

How do you let your family know that you are about to become Mr. and Mrs.? It’s really quite simple: sit down with your parents and tell them honestly about your intentions. If your fiancé has had the chance to meet them before, so much the better. It’s only natural for you to have the “jitters” when this meeting occurs, but what you feel for your beloved should help calm and reassure you. If during your conversation, your family expresses reservations about how things will work out, you and your fiancé need to let them know, up front, that as a couple you are willing to overcome any situations that may arise. Being married requires compromise and tact, no matter what your ethnic background may be!

Once your family and friends have been informed about your upcoming nuptials, now’s the time to celebrate your love and your cultural heritage. Since a wedding is the blending of two individuals into one being, this is the perfect opportunity to honor and acknowledge the ethnicity that makes each of you unique. Find some quiet time and discuss how each of you envisions this special day. Is it important that you include your cultural background into the ceremony and reception? Or would you be as comfortable having something a little more basic and neutral? If you are planning to be wed in a religious ceremony, speak with the officiant to find out what requirements are needed for an intercultural wedding. Taking care of these important factors early on in your engagement will pave the way for a smoother, more enjoyable wedding celebration.

Here are some helpful tips to make the planning of your culturally diverse celebration a memorable event:

History
Research the history of weddings in your respective families. Find out the customs and traditions for the ceremony and reception.

Customs
When you are discussing the ceremony, find ways to blend your backgrounds into this special occasion. Any customs and traditions can be explained in your wedding program, so your assembled guests can follow along.

Attire
Consider wearing attire that reflects your ethnic heritage and diversity. You can choose to wear a culturally correct wedding garment for the ceremony, and then change into a more contemporary outfit during the reception to celebrate your new status as Mr. and Mrs.

Cuisine
Learn about the different foods and beverages unique to each of your racial backgrounds. Locate a caterer who can reproduce the favorite foods of your cultures and serve them with pride to your guests!

Entertainment
Music and dancing are always sure-fire ways to get the party started, so finding talented performers is key to making your celebration sparkle. Combine ethnic harmonies and contemporary melodies to entertain and delight your guests.

And when you look back over the days and events that led up to one of the most important days of your lives, you will realize that love has no boundaries, only different shades that add to its intrinsic beauty.

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