Planning a Wedding Ceremony and the Elements of a Ceremony

Taking a walk down the aisle doesn’t always mean a trip to the cleaners. But many couples are surprised at the fees and charges they encounter at the chapel. Even if you’ve been a lifelong member of a church or synagogue, you may get hit for hundreds of dollars in fees for a wedding.

What if you are not a member of a church, but you want a church wedding? Well, a few churches allow nonmembers to use their facilities for weddings. But beware, the fees are normally higher for nonmembers. Secondly, members get first shot at dates, so nonmembers may not be able to book a wedding until, say, three months in advance. Obviously, this is a roll of the dice.

When to start planning

Especially for popular wedding months, start your search for a ceremony site as soon as you have selected the date. Prime dates can book up to a year in advance – after all, there are only so many Saturdays in June.

Keep in mind that popular months vary by region. For example, in the South, December is a particularly popular month. In Arizona, and many areas of the desert Southwest, the spring months (such as May) are almost as popular as the hot summer months.

Dates to avoid

Be aware that religious restrictions may rule out getting married during certain times of the year. Catholics and Greek Orthodox avoid marrying during Lent, and Jews don’t have weddings during the High Holy Days (usually in September or October).

Alternative site sources

Is a religious ceremony site not for you? Here’s a list of sources to use to find alternatives:

Local visitors/tourism bureaus

Many have a guide to local facilities that are available for weddings and receptions. Your local Chamber of Commerce or Historical Society office may also have more leads.

Local parks departments

Most city and county parks and historical areas are administered by a parks department. Ask them which sites are most popular for wedding ceremonies.

Local libraries

For historic sites, check out the book “Places” at your local library. This directory lists historical and other interesting places (many of which are available for rent) across the country.

The Elements of a Wedding Ceremony

Below is a list of elements found in most wedding ceremonies. You and your partner should discuss each one individually and decide which elements will be a part of your wedding and in what form.

Processional. Traditionally, the groom and groomsmen enter first, followed by the bride and her party. Occasionally, the groom and bride enter together or from opposite sides of the room. The tradition of the father giving the bride away is losing popularity in favor of the bride being escorted by both parents. Sometimes, the groom is escorted by his parents as well. There is generally some musical accompaniment to this.

Convocation. The officiant welcomes the guests, and formally announces the purpose of the gathering.

Invocation. If your wedding ceremony has a religious aspect, the invocation is an opening prayer in which the officiant makes an appeal for the Divine to bless the couple.

Between the Invocation and Address is an appropriate place for a reading or a song.

Address. The officiant has an opportunity to say a few words about the meaning of marriage. You should discuss your desires and attitudes toward marriage with your officiant. Don’t hesitate to tell your minister what you do or do not want in the address.

Between the Address and the Vows is another appropriate place for a reading or a song.

Vows. The once sneered-at practice of writing your own vows is now totally acceptable, even expected. Numerous good books of wedding vows exist.

Exchange of Rings. A lot of importance is given to the exchange of rings because the ring is the only omnipresent physical evidence of the marriage. If you decide to use rings, you’ll remember this moment in your wedding ceremony every time you become conscious of the ring on your finger.

Pronouncement of Marriage. Like the convocation, this is a formal announcement. The officiant states that the couple is married. Sometimes, the marriage certificate is signed at this point, more often it is done directly after the ceremony.

Kiss. Some couples object to saying “You may kiss the bride,” In this case, the couple can kiss without being told to. Why does anyone need to tell a married couple they have permission to kiss, anyway?

Benediction. With these exuberant, brief, and joyful words the now-married couple are sent on their way.

Recessional. Traditionally, the bride and groom exit together with the brideswomen and groomsmen pair up and follow. This is usually much quicker and simpler than the processional. There is generally some musical accompaniment to this also.

Receiving Line. Most people don’t consider this a part of the ceremony, but the guests will form a queue and begin greeting the new husband and wife whether you intend for them to do so or not, so you might as well plan for it and decide in what order everyone is going to line up. In most weddings, this is the only part of the ceremony in which the guests directly take part.

Other elements

Some optional elements are things such as a Unity Candle or a “Rose Ceremony.” In many ceremonies, the officiant asks (of both bride and groom) “Who welcomes this woman/man into their family?” to which the family of the partner says, “We do.” Many couples like it as an update of the old, sexist, “Who gives this woman’s hand in marriage?” It is especially appropriate for couples with children from previous relationships.

Inspirational music and readings are usually interspersed between the elements. It is wonderful and appropriate to have friends or relatives with musical talent or oratorical skill provide the music and reading. It is usually looked upon as a great honor, but when making the request, clearly offer your loved ones the privilege of declining without guilt.

What else?

You should feel comfortable getting married any way you want. Your wedding is unique, special, and important. You can get married in a church, a hot air balloon or deep in the forest. You can wear multimillion-dollar costumes or you can be totally naked. If you are in love – the world is yours and that’s the way it should be.

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