Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette

I was recently asked the following questions, but was unsure how to answer them. So I turned to the experts. Here is what they had to say.

Q: I thought that it was proper to invite the spouse of the wedding party members, is that correct? Does that also apply to boyfriends/girlfriends?

Who is invited to the Rehearsal Dinner? What is the proper etiquette for such dinner?

A: Yes, you are correct. The spouses/fiancés/fiancées/significant others of each member of the wedding party should be invited to the wedding.

Guests at the rehearsal dinner include parents and grandparents of the bride and groom, siblings of the bride and groom, members of the wedding party, the officiant, and the spouses/fiancés/fiancées/significant others of each of those guests. There is no reason to invite out of town guests unless space and finances permit and you desire to invite them – the rehearsal dinner is really the time for immediate family members and members of the bridal party to share special moments before the flurry of the wedding. Making the guest list too big detracts from this closeness. There is no need to invite a date for any single persons – but it is expected that significant others be invited. It also can be difficult to include aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. because there can be a huge number of them. It is up to you whether godparents or a very close aunt and uncle are invited.

Your out of town guests may enjoy having a little free time to explore the area, rest from their trip, and/or enjoy one another’s company. You do not have an obligation to entertain them nor would they expect to be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

You do send invitations, and request an RSVP.

The rehearsal dinner is the perfect occasion for the presentation of attendants’ gifts, whether from the couple to the bridesmaids and ushers or from the attendants to the bride and groom. Often the latter gifts are presented by the maid of honor and the best man and may be accompanied by a short speech or toast.

Toasts should be made during dinner, preferably not after; otherwise the night can drag on interminably. The host, often the groom’s father, should make the first toast, welcoming the guests and expressing his feelings about the forthcoming marriage. He is generally followed with a return toast by the bride’s father and then toasts from ushers, bridesmaids, and anyone else who wishes to say something.

The attendants’ toasts, wile sentimental to some extent, are often filled with anecdotes, jokes, and poems regaling guests with tales from the bride’s and groom’s past. Sometimes the bride and groom stand and speak; even if they don’t, they generally end the toasting by proposing a toast first to their respective parents and then to all their friends and relatives in attendance.

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